I know
that i just posted one of these,
and i know that i shouldn't even be posting this.
and i know that i will feel bad for posting this,
but i want to write down how i feel. so i will look at this later,
recognize that i am feeling this again,
and realize that somewhere in between, feeling like this, and feeling like this again,
i felt better, so that i CAN feel better. ya dig?
I feel like if i was a "bro", my family would like me more.
i have middle child syndrom, and i am the youngest.
I'm the only girl in my family, with four older brothers.
i know that this is lame, and this is another reason why they would like me
more if i was a bro, because i wouldn't be sitting here, avoiding sleep,
avoiding rational thinking, and whining about my feelings on a blog site.
sorry, blogger, that's just how it is.
Anytime our family takes a vacation, i try to bring a friend.
if i bring a friend, i don't have to sit around and do nothing while everyone else in the family runs amuck/goes out etc etc.
i'm just really lonely a lot of the time.
this is more of a to-do list than it is writing, but it is something that makes me feel better,
and i did write it, and i think that's one of the purposes of my writing, to make me document how i feel, and take a step back from it, so i'm not so connected with that feeling and can learn to accept feeling lousy.
i wanted to post this in the previous entry, but forgot to.
enjoy:
spring is going to come.
i'm going to start going for drives.
i'm going to start going out for lunch, and like it.
i'm going to buy toy guys and cowboys and indians at dollar stores.
I'm going to listen to wilco and wear tights.
I'm going to remember the happy hoodlums, that walked these streets before me,
I'm going to create new feelings, new emotions with these memories i create.
I'm going to allow myself to smile, allow myself to laugh, allow myself to bloom with the flowers.
I'm going to allow growth, allow change, and be happy with it all.
I'm going to clean the cobwebs, tie loose ends, and put out old cigarettes.
the last line,
I'm going to clean the cobwebs, tie loose ends, and put out old cigarettes. just keeps repeating in my head. I like Devendra Banhart.
and i know that i shouldn't even be posting this.
and i know that i will feel bad for posting this,
but i want to write down how i feel. so i will look at this later,
recognize that i am feeling this again,
and realize that somewhere in between, feeling like this, and feeling like this again,
i felt better, so that i CAN feel better. ya dig?
I feel like if i was a "bro", my family would like me more.
i have middle child syndrom, and i am the youngest.
I'm the only girl in my family, with four older brothers.
i know that this is lame, and this is another reason why they would like me
more if i was a bro, because i wouldn't be sitting here, avoiding sleep,
avoiding rational thinking, and whining about my feelings on a blog site.
sorry, blogger, that's just how it is.
Anytime our family takes a vacation, i try to bring a friend.
if i bring a friend, i don't have to sit around and do nothing while everyone else in the family runs amuck/goes out etc etc.
i'm just really lonely a lot of the time.
this is more of a to-do list than it is writing, but it is something that makes me feel better,
and i did write it, and i think that's one of the purposes of my writing, to make me document how i feel, and take a step back from it, so i'm not so connected with that feeling and can learn to accept feeling lousy.
i wanted to post this in the previous entry, but forgot to.
enjoy:
spring is going to come.
i'm going to start going for drives.
i'm going to start going out for lunch, and like it.
i'm going to buy toy guys and cowboys and indians at dollar stores.
I'm going to listen to wilco and wear tights.
I'm going to remember the happy hoodlums, that walked these streets before me,
I'm going to create new feelings, new emotions with these memories i create.
I'm going to allow myself to smile, allow myself to laugh, allow myself to bloom with the flowers.
I'm going to allow growth, allow change, and be happy with it all.
I'm going to clean the cobwebs, tie loose ends, and put out old cigarettes.
the last line,
I'm going to clean the cobwebs, tie loose ends, and put out old cigarettes. just keeps repeating in my head. I like Devendra Banhart.
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