Miscellania

A walk to the park, pregnant with the hopes of finding a loophole and a way back in time- a way back to a better us, only provides encounters with people I went to high school with- people we'd hated. And disappointment, when an old bohemian man passes slowly by leaning on his cane, nods at me politely, but does not offer the answers I am looking for. I think, "Come sit at this bench. Tell me about your life. Tell me how to be stronger, how to love harder, how to forgive more. Tell me how to fix this." But he smiles a toothy smile, his beige shirt unbuttoned to the fourth button down blows gently, and it begins to thunder. The bells from the church we went to as children offers a torturous reminder of bygones like slivers of bamboo shoved 'neath my fingernails. As the bells clang three times, it begins to pour and I walk home empty handed, empty hearted.

In a labyrinth of yellowed newspaper they're drilling holes through my teeth & I miss you more than anything else I ever thought I had. After stumbling through my house looking for something that isn't and never was there I feel as hollow as #9

Indian style in my underwear I sit on my bed finally understanding the end of the combination of us. I haven't thought about you in a very long while. At least not like this. I've realized, after so much time, I should take a look at who you are now, and doing so has helped me understand. Seeing you posed all around america with someone you love doesn't hurt, it just kneads my insides in a tugging, tender way that reminds me of heartache but isn't quite heartache. You are exactly what I want for myself, now and in the future. Everything about you is everything I want. And as I am broken into a thousand pieces by a photograph of you by the Lincoln Memorial, Your shirt is sweaty, your eyes are sincere, and I know I will never have you again.

Shoes/Shorts: Savers. Blouse: GoodWill Above: What I wore last Wednesday to a dentist appointment in Downtown. I've been pairing these Eddie Bauer jeans-turned-DIYed-cutoffs and woven brown oxford shoes with all of my light, airy blouses. I'm hopefully heading to Savers later tonight to buy some more jeans to make into cutoffs, blouses like this, and browse their selection. Moving to Alex's room in a little more than 2 weeks. Went to Kelly's house last night with them and made the best vegetarian chili and guacamole ever. Kelly taught me how to make it and gave me thousands of other cooking tips so that I may sustain my life once they leave :( We also watched No Country for Old Men which I thought was brilliant, but not very easy to watch while eating chili. Music lately: Godspeed You Black Emporer (Which brings me back to the scenic shots and juxtaposition of violence/tranqulity that I loved in No Country for Old Men.) Also thought I'd throw this in here- my new fa...

Sam did this to me. I'm in Vermont right now. Elise is to my left. She smells pretty o.k. My mom is talking about orange soda and storage space. We're about to head to downtown Brattleboro for some shopping and fireworks later. Salomé is really great. Especially when I read it in a Swedish/Italian/Spanish/Asian accent. That's a combination. Anywhoo, been listening to Mmmbop (moobop!) and looking at Brandon Boyd shirtless and listening to incubus. I call all dogs puppies no matter how old they are. See ya soon Happy 4th of July I luv my cuntry god bless this mess god less america ....