why's everybody crying? Animal crackers!

Everyone was sad today, I had animal crackers. When we were younger, they used to have these things, like uhh, big cardboard cutouts of those trailers they have circus animals in, and there were tons and tons of boxes of animal crackers. I used to sneak them into the carriage, Mom knew. I've always loved Animal crackers. Alex used to find big bags of like 1000 animal crackers when he was on tour and bring them home and we'd all steal 'em. I really like my siblings. I just wish i was more fun to have around. I mean this in the most unmelodramatic way. I want my siblings to think of me the way Holden thought about Phoebe. I asked mom about this but she said Holden was nuts, so it didn't matter. Fictional characters are more alive than the corpses surrounding me. How can these peopel be okay with who they are? Ganging up on a classmate, with the teacher not a foot away, not a step behind in the "discussion"? Accusing and insulting until our feelings are raw and groups of girls spontaneously combust into tears? This is all so ridiculous. I always thought, i'd never say disapproving things about my 8th grade class, because the things usually said about the classes, i can't say i'm better than, i'm a part of most of it. Misbehaving, backtalking, yelling at lunch. But this is entirely different. This is offensive and mean. What do these kids have to be so angry about? And why does everyone want to get me in on this anger? I want no part. I really wish people would just let me be. The cathedral entrance exam was fine, nothing to fret over. I didn't finish the two math sections, i think they were word problems and computation, though i don't remember. And what's the deal with me taking algebra 1 this year, and then next year, taking geometry 1? why not do algebra 1 and 2 consecutively? This is how my life works. Half-assed and backwards. Back to my horrid grade, of course they're good eggs, But sometimes, i find when thinking about the people i am still friends with, and realizing that with most of them, and i guess this applies to out-of-school friends as well, i think i'm only still friendly towards them because they never DID anything to deliberately offend me, and they were my friend in elementary school, so i find myself associating who they are with who they WERE. I guess that's not fair to do, but sometimes you can't control who your loyalty is to.