I feel sick to my stomach,
I'm so frustrated, so awful.
So neglected, so cliche.
So naive.
I'll put these feelings away like neatly folded
sweaters, for the next winter.
The next time simply breathing will freeze me from the inside out.
Chilled to the bone, I'll save it for then.
Right now, I'll pretend I'm happier. Pretend I believe in
this whole "getting better," thing. Because I need it.
Because you need it. Is anyone still even listening?
I feel guilty either way. I don't know if it's worth it.
Belittling me for feeling belittled.
I just want to stop everything, stop my brain, stop other people's mouths,
stop the work, stop working.
I feel so awful, and I feel like such a pain in the ass for feeling so awful.
"I thought I was getting better."

Happy birthday, brother.

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